It’s almost 4am and I’m wide awake, I can’t go back to sleep. It’s happening quite often lately, one of the many ways anxiety affects my life. I don’t feel I have a particular worry to keep me awake although I feel that sense of worrying and discomfort. I was so tired going to bed after a busy day and I was looking forward to enjoy a good night sleep. I will definitely be knackered in the morning. The afternoon came in pretty quickly and I did nothing all day. My body and mind needed to recover from the lack of sleep and I chose to do it.
The idea of this blog came to my mind last year to keep myself distracted from the daily routine. A year after I managed to put it together and I’m so thankful to my husband for the support and courage he gave me to create this project. The name of the blog, “The colours of my mind” represents all the different feelings I’ve been experiencing since 2017 when tragedy hit mine and my husband’s lives, the death of our unborn child.
“a sense of injustice is one of the biggest triggers of anxiety and panic, and I can think of no greater injustice than the death of someone you love, whether anticipated or unexpected”Sarah Knight, 2018, Calm the Fuck Down
The loss of our baby changed me forever, it’s like a part of me went with him. Nothing was going to be the same after that experience, the struggle was real and so overwhelming but as they say acceptance is the last stage of grief. The help of professionals helped me to accept our loss and that was vital for the healing process. Today I’m accepting the new me, I’m accepting the cries, the crazy thoughts, the bad mood over silly things, I do it because it is part of myself and no one can change it.